Help with my english story??? plz plz plz? - free porch swing set blueprints
So I have to write a history of the English language through the "brush", he said ... u can tell me what u think that the .. 7th Year if it means anythign
not yet, but that is far wat i .....
It was a hot day, the song of birds and butterflies flutter in the wind, but none of it meant nothing to me. I sat on the rickety porch swing swayed back and forth, thinking of nothing in particular, drove me to the wind. But at the same time, a black cloud of fear and pain that hangs over my head. Everywhere in the shade than happiness. He remembered how to use this line to bring a smile to my face, and now one million tears.
I've always wanted to visit my grandmother, she lived in a beautiful house overlooking an apple orchard. It was a rickety swing in the garden, and here it is, and I have spent all our time. In the summer we sat there and watch the birds and listen to the wind whipping through the trees, knocking apples never broken. InWinter we have seen, after squirrels and birds to find scraps of food and listen to the ship, the wind in the trees barren, falling branches, and what has happened. Now I am alone to think here with tears in his eyes and heavy hearts to see how much I loved this place.
I saw my grandmother a week ago. It APL, a rare and deadly form of leukemia. Everyone knew that in her last months, but he seemed much happier than others. It seemed not to be respected, that they would soon die, but I could not by the fact that they would soon die.
plz give details and feel free to give me sugesst how to change it! :)
11 minutes - 4 days to respond.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Free Porch Swing Set Blueprints Help With My English Story??? Plz Plz Plz?
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1 comments:
I do not know what to expect, but to do what I can to help.
Slight grammar correction in the first sentence, it is better to change ", but" a "and yet", and add a comma after.
In my opinion, "one million tears" does not seem very sensible. Maybe you could go so something like: "a lot of tears" or "tears". Moreover, in the same sentence, it is a bit chaotic. Last Maybe instead of "now" is: "this time".
In the second paragraph, the sentence beginning "In the winter ..." it is better to change "to search for birds" to "birds as they hunted down" and add a comma after "food".
In the next sentence, insert a comma after "only". I want to change this sentence: "Now I am alone here with tears in his eyes and heavy hearts, thinking about how much I loved this place." It runs much smoother. When people see "loved" whoautomatically conclude that "Used To Love".
In the third paragraph, change "that the last time," "I live for the last one." (Grammar Best)
In the last sentence "cut, dying soon and put a period after the word would be" fact ".
The story does not seem to be on in the neighborhood, a kind of conclusion. Perhaps you work it?
Finally, beware typos:
8 The word "the" before "Wind" is missing the first letter. "Everything" is missing the last letter.
In Theorem 9: You said, "ship of the wind through the bare trees," you mean "change?" In addition, you are missing an "f" ibid "off" rate ().
Otherwise (I know, it seems that many corrections, but they are all pretty minor), I think it's fantastic! Keep up the good work!
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